Charity Match report by Rory
Walking ball bashers are familiar with the many days allocated to raising dinero for numerous well known charities. Today was no different. Designated Andalusia’s very own “Give Away a Goal Day.” The game was focussed on raising money for really crap footballers to get pissed on.
A couple of truly mediocre teams lined up against each other, determined to besmirch the good name of football with some poorly directed passes and woeful shooting. The blacks had a great team on paper, unfortunately the game was being played on some dodgy plastic grass.
The blacks started well with “back heel” Paul starting in goal. They had a solid back line with Geoff spraying the ball about and Graham anchoring the blacks’ midfield. Bambi was excellent at finding space up front and had a number of chances to put the blacks in front.
The blacks started to open their “give a goal away” account when Dave rabbit sent in a shot which was clearly missing the goal by some considerable distance. Paul had it well covered, but instead of catching the ball (which was travelling at minus 5mph) he managed to throw it into the back of the net to the dismay of his teammates.
Reds 1-0 Blacks
The blacks fought back well, peppering the goal with shots which always seemed to be straight at the keeper. Bambi was particularly profligate: Opta Stats 73 shots 70 on target 0 goals. To make matters worse for the blacks Ian scored a goal which was actually forbidden by the second law of thermodynamics. The ball was hit straight out to him and he proceeded to deliver the impossible by drilling it straight back and into the roof of the net. Nobody on the pitch could believe it, least of all Ian.
Reds 2-0 Blacks.
The blacks had truly excelled themselves with their contribution to “give a goal away day”. Despite the best efforts from Dave the owl and Bambi, the reds couldn’t score past Fred, who had an exceptional game in goal. To cap off their game of beneficence the blacks gifted another goal to Dave the rabbit who swung his trusty left foot (why was he holding it in his hand?) and battered the ball into the back of the net.
Reds 3-0 Blacks.
Although the blacks were being hammered they were buoyed by their hat-trick of donations to charity.
Our Keef tried to make it worse for the blacks with a string of dodgy decisions, the worst of which was him running in and tackling Dave the Owl from behind and denying a clear goal scoring opportunity. He’ll be happy with the new lucrative contract he’s been offered by the Scottish Premier League to improve the quality of their refereeing.
Ken went close for the reds following a lovely through ball from Ton, but it wasn’t to be for the mercurial winger who is in the middle of a Jeremy Doku like run of goalscoring. Dave the Owl pulled one back for the blacks when literally no-one was looking. I can’t describe the goal for readers, but according to Dave it was a work of genius. Terry, who was in goal towards the end of the game pulled off a string of fine saves to prevent the need for some squeaky bum time.
Our Keef eventually blew the final whistle to seal the reds (just about) deserved 3-1 victory.
Well played lads, and thanks to Keef for reffing the game.
The fast show, a report by Colin
Thursdays fast game was an unbalanced 8 v 7 affair with blacks always having that extra man which stretched reds and generated an attack v defence type game.
That said the first quarter ended goalless as intense Reds defending by Colin, Prak and Dave 🚖 whilst being instructed by Steve in goal nullified the Black attack of Henning, Mick, Joe and Dave 👑
Reds were in the game and quick movement of the ball between Jim and Bristol Paul found Alvin on the edge of the area and a red goal was scored, though not without plenty of black complaints that Alvin had encroached.
Ref John decided that as he was unsighted “Spirit of the Game” and honesty would prevail so the goal stood.
As the game progressed though Alvin was binned for 2 minutes giving blacks a 2 man advantage.
When Alvin reappeared believing he’d been called back on he was given another 2 minutes.
Despite the advantage blacks were kept at bay.
Blacks were using the extra man well passing comfortably between Han, Johnny and Paul up to the front men and inevitably Colin who’d been marshaling Mick so far got drawn to the ball and of course left Mick free to score the equaliser.
It got worse for reds and Colin particularly when his attempted block simply deflected the ball into his own net.
Half-time 2-1 Blacks
The rest of the game was played out with Bristol Paul having a couple of shots well saved by Eddie and blacks generally snuffing out the reds attack who in turn defended resolutely against blacks.
Full time 2-1 blacks